He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
