When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
