So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize