Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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