I'm going to jail i love you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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