So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
