Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
