Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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