whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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