I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
