FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
