She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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