did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
