i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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