Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
