apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
