good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
