Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
