Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
