Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
