Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
