i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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