It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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