Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i think i just lost a toe
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
