there's paper in my vomit.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
