Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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