i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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