Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
