Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
