i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
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The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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