Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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