no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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