Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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