I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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