I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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