They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
