it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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