I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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