K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
