So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
