I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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