If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
