You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
accomplished twins. life is a go
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
