Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
