My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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