Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
