so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
