hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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