girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
