We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
