there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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