It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
