sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize