you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You left your phone here
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