hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
