Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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