just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
