I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
