You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
