Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
