I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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