When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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