I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
