If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
